“I can’t trust him with our daughter—he doesn’t even put her down for her nap.”

This is one of the most common concerns voiced by mothers in custody disputes involving toddlers. While it may feel deeply valid, especially to a primary caregiver who has spent months (or years) learning their child’s rhythms, it’s important to understand how a judge will view this kind of complaint: not as a reason to restrict time but as an opportunity for the other parent to learn.

In family court, the response you’re most likely to hear from a judge is this: “He will learn.”

Judges are not there to ensure that every toddler gets the exact nap schedule their mother has curated or to create a parenting plan that guarantees a perfect developmental experience. The role of the court is not to deliver ideal parenting—it is to ensure children are safe, cared for, and have meaningful relationships with both parents.

This can be a frustrating and even painful realization for many mothers, especially those who have borne the full weight of early childcare. It can feel like the system dismisses the nuances of a young child’s needs—and in some ways, it is. But not out of malice or ignorance; out of necessity. Courts are overburdened, judges are tasked with making decisions quickly, and—crucially—must treat both parents as capable unless proven otherwise.

And here’s the harsh truth: your decision to have a child with someone becomes the court’s starting point. Unless that other parent is abusive, neglectful, or poses a clear safety risk, the court is going to assume that both parties deserve parenting time and the chance to figure it out, even if that means a missed nap or an off-schedule bedtime.

This doesn’t mean your concerns don’t matter. They do. But it does mean that your expectations have to align with legal realities. The court system is not a place where emotional grievances or parenting preferences hold weight unless they rise to the level of endangering a child’s well-being. Disorganized? Inexperienced? Frustrating? The court assumes those things will improve over time, not justify withholding contact.

So what can you do?

• Document patterns, not one-offs. A single missed nap won’t sway a judge. A documented pattern of sleep deprivation that impacts a child’s health might.
• Focus on safety, not perfection. Courts act when there are risks—abuse, neglect, instability—not when parenting falls short of one parent’s standards.
• Co-parent with the long game in mind. That means picking your battles and investing your energy in areas where it will serve your child, not just your frustration.

Family court is built on the principle that parents should be allowed to grow into their roles. It can feel unfair when you’ve already done that work and your co-parent is just starting the journey. But that’s not something the legal system will fix. That’s something you’ll have to come to terms with—and manage wisely for the sake of your child.