We all know the importance of self-care. Many articles, podcasts, et al. remind us of the need to care for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. I think this need is heightened during the often prolonged period of divorce. In the words of psychiatrist Irv Yalom, when we marry, “the lonely I dissolves into the we, and the pain of isolation evaporates.”

While I believe being in an unhappy marriage can create a more severe form of loneliness than being alone, there is often comfort in being part of a pair and some form of companionship that most marriages provide. When that bond is ruptured, either by choice or not, we are usually suddenly confronted with the “lonely I.” How we cope with this can have significant consequences in our lives and those of the people we love, particularly our children. A divorced parent will probably have more time alone while the ex is involved with the children. We must use this time to look within and figure out what motivates us and how we want to use this time to better ourselves or at least survive the immediate trauma of divorce with as much dignity and composure as possible.

It is a time to look backward at past activities that gave us pleasure, perhaps before marriage, and to look forward at what might enhance our life now. There can be freedom in realizing that we are now more in charge of our choices, without compromising with a mate around areas such as diet, exercise, and even the choice of friends.

Perhaps there is a hobby we have always wanted to try but “never had the time”. It is critically important that our children see us as whole people and not desperate for them to return from a visit from the other parent to fulfill our life. And as we move forward, , these newly found self care activities can enhance our life and bring new opportunities and possibly even new relationships.